At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
