another moral hangover. fuck.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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