it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
