Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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