Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
