he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
