What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
