are you still at the devil's house?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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