Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
