people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
