the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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