question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
