I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
