just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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