i barfeds in our rink
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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