All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
