just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
