We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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