I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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