this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
