apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
