Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Randomize
