its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
