this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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