On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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