it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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