I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
