do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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