The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
