Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
