her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
