I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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