I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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