Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
