oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I forgot how hot balto sounded
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
