I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
