....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
