We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
