someone get that fucking seahorse.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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