Need sex. Gaining weight.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
