so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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