dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
