Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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