I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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