Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's never too late to be topless.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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