omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
