The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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