i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It was confusing and full of hummus
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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