Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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