I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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