why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
