Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
