I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
