Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
