Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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