I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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