Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
