I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
