id be glad to
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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