I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
