I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
