Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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